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Singer/songwriter/actor and wannabe commedian. Raised on an alpaca farm in Ohio, Jared learned the tools to become the man that he is today. "As a young boy, I remember sticking my hand up an alpaca's butt to deposit semen to help it reproduce, but all the while dreaming of a better life. I knew that one day, these alpaca shit infested hands would bring me gold. And then I pulled out a gold nugget from the alpaca's ass. It was really kind of ironic." With the help of the magical gold from the alpacas ass, Jared and his family moved into a beautiful cluster home in Brunswick, OH. (Only 10 or 15 minutes from his previous settlement in Medina ) "We moved right after I graduated from Highschool. With all the gold I had acquired, we opened our own burger joint called 'Our Own Burger Joint'." Today, "Our Own Burger Joint" has changed its name to "McDonalds", and has become one of the most popular burger joints with over 1 billion served every day. After becoming an expert in the ways of a great Big Mac, Jared moved on to bigger and better things. Landing a million dollar deal with Arista Records was one of these. "Clive David and I go way back. He and my father went to grade school together, and ever since have been the best of friends. So it was only natural that I be signed to his record company. I remember when he used to come to the house. He would take my brother and I into the bathroom and make us touch his privates. Those were the days.....those were the days." Over the years, Jared has recorded 25 albums, garnered countless Grammys, and won an Oscar for his work in the film "Daddy, Why Does Clive Davis Have Hair On His Balls? They Get Stuck In My Teeth",loosely based on his life. With all the success that Jared has recieved he still remains grounded. "Its important to remember where you came from. When I'm on stage singing about love, life and pain...I'm really singing about alpaca ass. And thats what its really all about. Alpaca ass."

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